My oldest was looking at my toes today. "Mom, you have ugly toes." I do not. I haven't painted them in a few weeks, and I stopped wearing my toe ring but my feet are the same, right? Well, maybe he's onto something. So I pulled out the nail polish and did my toenails AND my fingernails. This is the feedback I need in life. At least someone's being honest with me:)
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I heard the f* word come out of a young man's mouth today. No, not fuck, god damn it. F* as in "You need 5 fruits and vegetables a day". Except totally not in that context. He said it in front of his parents and my children. The odd thing is that when I confronted him with his language he looked at me innocently and asked "What?". What? As he tried to sputter out some excuse about the boys in question being mean I tried to explain that it was a hateful and judgmental comment. One parent quietly said "Name calling probably isn't appropriate." Probably? What the fuck? There are enough hate crimes in this world for you to be breeding intolerance over something that has no effect on you.
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How's this for selfish reasoning?
I know there's an impending war and everything, but the price of oil has gone down $3/barrel. Why is it that the cost of gas has increased 2 cents since Mon morning?
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My nine year old taught me to play Super Smash Brother's last night. First he shows me by playing against the computer at level 9 (out of 9). Then I made him put it down to the first level and give me a really good guy. He set me up with 2 lives the first round. It took me a total of 5 minutes to kill myself. Then he gave me 5 lives. I think that round took me another 5 minutes. However, the next round I finally beat the computer (it took me 5 lives and 20 minutes). Wehew! We jumped up and down and high 5'd each other and then I noticed it was 12 minutes past his bedtime. He felt pretty sneaky about that one. So sneaky in fact, he had to brag to his brother this morning, "Hey (giggle, giggle) I got to stay up an extra 12 minutes last night." Oh how simple it is to please them.
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How to win my utmost respect and adoration:
Tell me you think I look cute with both long and short hair
Tell me I'm still a hotty 5 years after we met
Walk by my office and gasp "Oh Malisa, you should wear that sweater every day! That looks so great on you!"
Ask me why I insist on talking to assholes. (Blowing apart the theory that all men are assholes and that there's no hope for me)
Always be right and then tell me to just follow my instincts......meaning that I'm always right
Tell me that I'm the perfect catch and that you wish you had as much to offer your man
Have a terribly huge ego and still have more love in you than your ego
Offer to set me up with a chick.....cuz you just don't want to see me alone (as warped as that thought is)
Ask my friends if I work out alot "because women aren't usually to build such a defined chest"
Cook with me
Tell me I'm just imaging my fat days as I stand naked in front of you
Have a fantastic chest
Write simultaneous comedic and terrifying blogs
Be beautiful, sweet, and strong
Did either of you ever "get" Charlotte's Web? I never quite understood how a spider spinning a web was able to save a pig's life. Why didn't they just capture the spider and put it on exhibit? Or if the spider refused to perform threaten to kill the pig? EB White must have gone on to write comic books (see Sun's entry). She shows the same knack for writing a believable cause/effect sequence.
P.S. Whenever I think to add a link to an archived blog, it's always the blog at the bottom. Any ideas on how to fix this?
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Ok, after thinking about stupid weekend man I've decided he probably wasn't a man at all. Probably some 18 year old trying to add an old woman to his current collection of 2 women. I can't honestly believe a grown man would be that retarded. I really like men too much to buy that one.
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Stupid man story #3
If you decide to come back for more after I tell you to go play with yourself don't think I'm going to buy that it wasn't you who asked me for a massage - that it was "your pet snake".
Fucking chauvinistic pig. You'd have to be to think that I was a) stupid enough to believe you. b) still going to sleep with you.
Dude....you need a better sales pitch. Seriously.
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