Dad: What's that sound?

Brylan: Oh, it's just the smoke detector.

Dad: I see. What's your mom cooking?

Brylan: Salad.

 
Am I the only one that gets zit under moles?

 
I'm seriously considering hypnosis for dating skills.

 
EMOTIONALLY DRAINED

My boyfriend's wife had a baby.
I have a crush on a good friend.
Who's in love with someone else.
And mad at me.
The cat ran away.
We got baby turtles.
I stubbed my big toe.
I ate sushi for lunch.
I dreamt of sleeping with two men from my office last night.
Someone parked in front of my garage.