I realize I've done a terrible job of journaling my first trip to Hawaii. Part of the reason is because I feel so inadequate in trying to describe what I've seen. Chuck's photographs do such an outstanding job of chronicling what I've seen and felt. On Sunday I went to the world famous North Shore (Pipeline). The waves were amazing. The water was blue. It was as blue as the saphires, like god colored the water with crayons. Yet, that's already been said, and no one believes it until they are standing on the shore looking at the water and realizing this isn't a tricked out photo. You can walk in the water and feel the wet on your feet. On Tuesday, I hiked Diamond Head. This is a little hill that was used to protect the island from incoming attacks. Once you cliimb up the hill you can see a hollowed out canyon where a fort could have stood. You look around and you can see the base of the canyons the armies used to protect the land. On Thursday I went to Poli Lookout. The Poli Trail was used to connect one end of the island to the other. Ancient indigineous tribes would travel over this path over treturous rocks and cliffs in order to trade. In the late 1700's they warred and ended up throwing warriors off the cliff as they rose up to attack. The land is beautiful and lush. It's amazingly windy and I sat in the car for two hours reading and listening to the wind sing through the trees.
I haven't written about the fun personal things that have happened while I'm here. Truth be told, it's what hasn't happened. When I bought my ticket I was coming to visit Hawaii and have a fun week with my friend Chuck. Chuck will always be a dear and trusted friend who I love with all of my heart. He listens to me and gives me strength to do what I know is right. He gives me faith in myself and let's me know it's ok to let go. He's also very sexy and we don't mind rolling in the sheets every once in a while. It was the perfect setting for a romantic vacation. Wouldn't you know it, I managed to find Mr. Right two weeks before my plane left. This week has only proven how right he is. For the past 5 years I have refused to put energy into any relationship I couldn't find myself completely committed to. Sure, I dated. Sure I got involved. I never let myself wonder if I could walk away. I never thought I would willingly sleep on Chuck's couch for a week. Yes - it's put a damper on my vacation. It's very odd to be in paradise and wake up every morning wishing I was at home in my own bed. However, it's not so odd when I think of sleeping snuggled back to chest, holding his hand tucked under my chin. Waking up to his lips close to my ear. Knowing I make him as happy as he makes me. I'll be home in a few days, and quite honestly - it couldn't come fast enough.

 
I've been experiencing a bit of a change lately. It seems as though I've stopped processing feelings through words. Instead I've just been experiencing them. Just feeling them, riding them through to their entirety. I haven't decided whether I like this change or not....probably because I haven't thought about it much. On one hand, I've stopped obsessing about things. I've stopped trying to analyze everything. Things that would go round and round in my brain until I finally settled on a reason, and a way to protect the future. On the other hand I don't feel as intelligent. I don't feel like I have a lot to say. This isn't really a bad thing since I generally don't have anyone to speak to, but I do feel less engaged. It may not be a bad thing though. Maybe this will give me an opportunity to be less self-involved. Maybe I'll find myself learning of things outside the bubble I've enclosed myself in.