STOP FUCKING THE MONKEYS
You think that as intelligent beings we have learned our lesson. After all, wasn't this how ebola and AIDS started? Well, now there is something else to consider. As I was trying to fall asleep with what is trending to be my "nightly killer headache" the man on the radio was talking about the new VD being found in the monkeys. It actually rots the genitals off the males. Yes - rots. Now, I couldn't find anything about this on google. Just to be safe though, next time that cute little babboon slides up to the bar and offers to buy you a drink - I would turn her down.
View Comments Make a Comments
I just want to thank everyone for the notes and calls of concern. I truly appreciate it.
On a slightly lighter note. I am so out of tampons. I don't even have one in my purse. And it's not one of those days you can sneak into the closest convenience store and buy a little box. I'd be leaving a trail so big people would be looking for the wounded bear. I scoured the bathroom from top to bottom and the only thing I could find to stick up my twat was the damn paper that came in the box. This is so not going to work. I guess I'll have to get out of bed today.
View Comments Make a Comments
What is this California concept of Love at First Site? Is it all the movie magic around? I finally understand what grandma meant when she says she loves grandpa more now than ever. I think people are retarded when they go on a first date and end up moving in together the next week. I don't think it's possible or realistic. Does that make me jaded??? Honestly, I thought I was doing quite well. I give people a chance. I dont jump in the sack immediately. I'd really like to get to the point where I think a man is worth getting a babysitter for before he moves in. One step at a time please. Do I have to want marriage immediately? Can I just establish that I am able to have a relationship first? Hell, it's been three years since I had a boyfriend. It's not a silly question. Is it juvenile for me to want a foundation? Or have I missed that part. Is that part supposed to be found in myself. I don't think so. There's no doubt in my mind I can fall in love. I just have to know that he's going to call me the morning after I do - and that I'm going to want him to.
View Comments Make a Comments
Thank goodness my friends don't get mad when I call them at 5:30 AM. We're really going to have to establish a 2 time-zone limit. I'm having serious problems fathoming a three hour difference.
View Comments Make a Comments
The rollerblades have no brakes. Amazingly this has allowed me to drop 10 minutes off my lap time. What is not amazing is that I finally missed a curb. I knew it would happen. After all, I do blade at 10:00 PM and the street lights seem to be timed to turn off as I pass by. I was surprised at the fact at how many cars were passing by as I managed to eat pavement. Even more astounding is that all four cars, including the two patrol cars stopped to make sure I was ok. I was up before they could stop, but they all did anyways. They really shouldn't have. Seriously.
View Comments Make a Comments
I've written this damn post 7 different times. I think what it all boils down to is this:
Shit happens.
Sometimes shit happens just because.
Sometimes shit happens because you go for something you're not ready for.
And when that happens - it's really nice to know that you handled the shit well.
Maybe not perfect, but better than before. And that the shit helped you see that you've grown.
And maybe next time it won't be shit.
It probably will. But the time after that - boy - the shit better be ready for you.
And in the meantime. The rest of life is pretty all right.
So here are some of the nutso conversations you get to have with kids:
Me: Gregg, where are you?
G: In the cupboard.
M: Why are you in the cupboard?
G: I'm practicing to be a spy.
M: Where are the letters I had here?
G: In my room.
M: Why are they there?
G: I took them.
M: Why?
G: I'm practicing to be a spy.
M: What are you doing under the table?
G: Practicing to be a spy.
M: Cornflakes are 5 for $5. We better get 5.
G: But Total has calcium in it that will make you lose weight.
M: Look at us. We don't need to worry about losing weight.
G: You do.
M: You're fired.
G: I'm fired?
M: Yeah. You're fired. Come back here.
G: I don't have to. I'm fired.
M You do too. You still have to do what I say.
G: Awww man.
My younger saw the last part of an IM. It looked like this.
"malisa_evans: night"
He bursts out. Look! It's Malisa Evans night. Congratulations mom
So, I write this awesome poem and I get NO comments. And I broke my tracker so I don't even know whether any one even read it. If you have extreme tracker, would you mind sending me your tag? I'm too stupid to know what I deleted (but maybe smart enough to convert yours)? I e-mailed the help desk but who knows how long it will take for them to get back to me.
View Comments Make a Comments
