When I was little we had a giant fancy goldfish named "Goldy". Goldy was the size of two mens fists put together and her fins were just as long. She lived in a 30 gallon fish tank with a few smaller fish but she was the queen of the tank. I loved to watch Goldy swim around peacefully in her tank. One day I came home and Goldy was in a gallon bowl by herself. "She's not feeling very strong," my mom told me. Well I decided to help. What Goldy needed was some exercise. So I ran my hand along the inside of the bowl making a whirlpool going one direction. After a while I made it go the other way. Back and forth I went making Goldy swim to stay in the same place. I must have done it for an hour. That was a pretty good workout. Goldy should feel better in the morning. The next morning Goldy was floating in the bowl. She was too big to flush down the toilet so we had to bury her. I was in tears. Not knowing what I had been up to my mother tried to console me by saying, "She was just tired." It didn't work and I still carry the guilt to this day.
Have you ever been so very tired? That was me last night. I went to bed at 8 and the kids put themselves to bed. Wouldn't you know it I woke up at 2:30 this morning. I had to force myself to sleep for another hour and a half. Go figure.
"I want to meet your kids."
The blood starts pumping harder and harder through my head making it impossible for me to decipher the rest of the sentence.
I mumble something about it being too soon. He nods and my head starts to clear.
"Maybe we can all go to dinner next week."
The pounding begins and I start to lose consciousness. Why do men have to do this? I know they just want to be a part of my life, but don't they realize they really aren't prepared. Don't they know how many times I've heard, "I don't know what I want to do with my life," after I've suggested getting a babysitter for a date? Guys freak out!!! How do I convince him he's not ready.
I spoke to a girlfriend the day. Apparently she broke up with her long time boyfriend. They had been dating for 3 years, were going to get married. They were great. Both are lots of fun. He supported her, she made him smile. They had their problems, but I was sure they would grow up and figure them out. The way she gave out details made me ask, "So are you interested in someone else?"
"Sort of."
"Spill it."
"It's a chick."
"Wow!"
Now this is quite a good friend. One that I've even kissed this girlfriend (it was her boyfriend's birthday). I know what they had wanted and I just didn't go for it. But now I wonder, "What if?" What if I had gotten more into it. But that's just it isn't it - I didn't.
